Send in the Clowns
by Katowisp
Summary: It's easy to forget about the friends that are always there. Ed realizes he may have waited too long, and Winry is ready to move on.


Disclaimer:

Not mine

Much thanks to Tola for editing. Any mistakes are mine…

_I've gone to Rush Valley. Ill be back soon! Keep safe, and stop destroying my automail!_

_-Winry_

Edward handed the note to his brother, a scowl etched deeply on his face. Al took it, his eyes glancing over the neatly rounded handwriting. He shrugged his massive shoulders.

"She made her bed, and all her luggage is packed and gone. I think she's fine, brother." He said, handing the note back to his brother. "I don't think you need to worry. She's not a little girl anymore, you know." Al would have grinned then, if he could, but he couldn't, and all Ed heard was the slight melancholy born of a lost childhood. Edward clenched the note and shoved it into his worn red jacket.

"I know that." He grumbled. "She should've said bye. **We** always do."

But that was because they both knew that each goodbye could be the last, and it was a small kindness of sorts, because they both knew Winry hated open endings, and because her parents had never said it.

_We'll be back soon. Mind Granny Pinako._

Al sighed, unsurprised by her quick departure. Lacking a body, he was able to spend a much greater time observing. He had always been observant as a child, but now with no need for sleep, and no human wants he had all the time in the world to simply watch. And he had watched Winry, and his brother. And he wondered, not for the first time, how someone so smart could be so dumb.

He knew his brother was self-destructive, and negligent of his personal needs, and when he fought, it was always to win, regardless of the consequences. He took risks, and he paid for them, but he was good, and Al was proud of his brother and his skills in fighting. They'd learned from the best, after all.

But he could also see the effect that every battle wound had on Winry. Every blood-seeped bandage was a personal injury for her, and every time she had to fix destroyed automail, learning of another brush with death, Al would see dark circles under her eyes the next morning. Were she a little older, he knew she'd already be worrying herself to wrinkles.

Sometimes Al resented Ed, for what he could have, were he only to open his eyes. For what he could have, when Al could not. He had confronted his brother once on the issue, while they were on another long train ride. Edward's automail arm was propped on the window sill, gold eyes watching the passing countryside with a weary boredom.

"Do you ever think of Winry?"

"Every day." Edward replied, his eyes flickering to his brother.

"I think you should be kinder to her." Al hedged quietly. Ed had sat up straight at that, eyeing his brother carefully, for a long time.

"I know what this is about, but things haven't changed since we were little. You love her, too, and--." Edward had frozen at that, his mouth hanging open a little before he closed it tightly, a scowl forming on his face. Al found it funny, suddenly, that things like love and marriage had been so easy to discuss when they were five, but had somehow because a subject of embarrassment and taboo. Edward's shoulders slumped, and he leaned back. "And some things are more important than silly crushes." He finally said, before closing his eyes and slipping into that exhausted sleep that came so easily to him.

Al's resentment twisted and disappeared, because he knew that his brother meant _Al_ was more important than his own interests, and as he gazed at his sleeping brother, he realized that Edward felt guilty that he had made the playing ground uneven.

... 

They were sent to some town north of Central, more to keep them out of town and the politics that were brewing, than anything to do with their actually needing to be there. Ed was forced to spend a few evenings sitting in on the town board meetings. It was after one particularly late meeting that Ed found himself wandering the streets after hours, enjoying the early fall weather. In some ways, it reminded him of Resembool, and he was caught in a deep nostalgia when Envy's spiked arm thrust into his shoulder from behind, rendering the muscle, and the automail, totally useless. Edward twisted around, clutching his shoulder in pain. Envy smirked.

"You'll be less of a pain in the ass if you can't use that arm at all."

And Envy was gone as quickly as he appeared.

Edward made it back to his brother, though by the end, he was staggering as if drunk, and his gold eyes were glassy when he tumbled into the room. Al was on him immediately, and within ten minutes, they were in the hospital.

Edward got medical leave for the next month and a half, for the wound was grievous, and any further injury might mean a total inability to use automail. Edward was restless, as he and Al puttered around Central, reading, and trying to "Stay out of trouble, for once!" as Colonel Mustang had sternly ordered.

Winry was requested to come back, so she could check port damage. When she came into the room provided by the military, her face was pale, and she was unwilling to meet Edward's eyes. Edward hardly noticed, as usual, but Al did. Later, when they were grocery shopping, Winry slowed her step, falling behind Al.

"Winry, are you okay?"

"Al, I have a boyfriend in Rush." She said quietly. Al's heart dropped, but he managed to respond brightly.

"Well, that's great! Is he a good mechanic?"

"The best. Almost as good as me." Winry said, with a slight smile. Al nodded.

"Of course. Will you bring him here sometime?"

"Maybe. Edward—" Winry said uneasily.

"—Will be happy for you." Al said. He would have to be. Edward had forsaken his chance.

"I just never know about him, sometimes he seems to care, but then he's always trying to kill himself it seems, and that's killing me." She said desperately. Maybe this was the part where a normal girl would throw herself into Al's arms, but she was no regular girl, and there was no comfort in Al's metal arms. Instead she just sighed.

"Al, I wish it had never happened. None of it." She said fiercely, and Al knew she was thinking not only of what they'd done, but of their mother, and of her own parents. Al didn't know what to say, because he often wished for the same thing, and there were no words of comfort he could offer.

"It would be nice to still be kids." Al finally said. He wasn't much for empty things, but he felt he had to fill the space somehow. Winry gave him a horrified look.

"We still are."

Al had nothing to say to that.

.------------------------------------.

Ed was collapsed over his notes, his pen held loosely in his hand. The last of his alchemical drawings had faded into scrawls of an angry stick figure, strangely resembling Colonel Mustang, shooting fire out of his hands and laughing. Al leaned over his brother's shoulder, wry amusement filling him. In the right margin was a head that loosely resembled his own, a curvy line serving as a mouth. An unfinished stick Ed was where Edward had left off. Despite being seventeen now, he had not changed much. Al gathered his brother into his arms, and carefully carried him to his bed.

Winry hadn't brought her first boyfriend by, or her second, so it was with surprise that she arrived the next day, a third boyfriend in tow. He was a little nondescript, but he had pleasant green eyes, and an open, smiling face. Al invited him in for breakfast—brother would be up soon—and as the guy, Aidan, helped, Al noticed the tell-tale grease beneath his fingernails that marked him as a mechanic.

In recent years, Winry had flourished. She was as bright and as able as ever, and now she was quite beautiful. Al felt a pang whenever he looked at her, and couldn't help missing what he couldn't have. Before, it had been a distant possibility, that he would become human again, and he would have a shot at winning her heart once more, but as the years passed, that possibility faded, and now, most days, Al forgot what it was like to be human, really human, at all.

Sometimes, he wondered if he was immortal, or if one day, his body would die, and so would he, freed forever from this confining existence. He never voiced these thoughts to Edward, for every year that passed was a year that Ed withdrew further, his goal becoming more and more of an obsession.

Edward had known about Winry's boyfriends, it was something he kept in the perphieral, so to be confronted with one at his breakfast table was a shock that sent him straight into one of his notoriously foul moods. Every attempt for conversation by Aidan was met with a stony silence, and Al noticed that while although his brother wasn't eating anything, he'd completely destroyed the eggs. It was when the second plate cracked in his hand while cleaning that Al sent his brother out of the house.

"I think you should go for a walk, brother."

"Why did she bring him here." He hissed, a third plate cracking under his grip. Al carefully removed it from Edward's hands, putting it in the pile of things he had to fix after Edward's destructive behavior this morning.

"Because they're dating." Al said, quite simply.

"But…I don't even know him! And besides, Winry is…she's…" Edward

Our_s_. Al knew, but he had given up his shot at her years ago. At age ten, and quite unwillingly.

Winry managed to pull Edward out of the house shortly after, and they went for a long walk around Central, which had become the Elric's home somehow. He led her to the nearby park, and they began a circumvention of the lake. Winry idly watched children feed the various ducks and geese. They didn't speak for a long time, and it was Winry who finally broke the silence.

"Aidan's really very nice."

"Why is he here?" Edward asked bluntly. "You've had other boyfriends, and you've never brought them. Why now?"

"Because…I think this might be the man I want to marry one day." Edward stopped then, his face registering shock and surprise before twisting in dismay.

"What?" He whispered. Winry managed to meet his gaze, and she winced internally at the hurt registered there. She had been able to kid herself into thinking he had stopped caring, and was surprised to see she was wrong.

"He treats me well, and Granny Pinako is getting old, so---"

"But you can't!" Edward said stubbornly.

"And why not?" She replied hotly, setting her arms on her hips in a classic Winry gesture that indicated she was going to be just as stubborn.

"Because he's…he's…." Edward stumbled, searching desperately for words.

"He's what?"

"He's a stranger!" Edward finished sharply. Winry let out a bark of laughter.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well what am I going to do? You're my……" Edward trailed off before coughing, and switching tracks, "mechanic." He finished awkwardly.

"Well, now you can have two!"

"That's not it!" Edward looked at her sharply. "I've known you since forever!"

"So you should be happy for me!"

"But you promised to only marry me or Al!" He finally shouted in frustration, and then stopped in surprise. If he was younger, he would have stormed off, but instead he stood, shoulders slumped, and Winry realized how much he had aged these last few years. She suddenly felt incredibly guilty.

"What do you want, Edward?" She asked calmly, gently lifting Edward's chin with a finger long calloused from her work. She realized it was the first time she had touched him like this, and she suddenly wondered just how much human contact Edward had.

"I thought you'd want what I'd want. For Al to be back to normal, and for things to be like they once were. And then, _then_, we could worry about those things. Because I…" Edward trailed off again. "But I can't do anything for you, not with Al as he is, and that's why I haven't treated you like I should."

"I can't wait forever, Edward." She sighed.

"I know! I know that. But, maybe just a little longer?" He asked pleadingly, gold eyes searching hers. She had never been able to refuse him that look, and she resented that he would use it on her now.

"I'm worried that a little longer might turn into forever, Edward." She finally said before turning and leaving him by the lake.

She left the next day, gone as quickly as she'd come. She'd done the adjustments on Edward's automail, refraining from commenting on the new scars. Aidan had been pleasant the entire time, easily engaging Al in conversation. Al found him bright, if slightly boring. He was a country bumpkin, and Al wondered if he was what he and Ed would have become, had all this never happened to them.

They got a telegram the next month saying she'd broken up, and had decided to wait on forever a little longer. Al didn't know what that meant, but a smile graced Edward's lips when he read it. He folded the telegram carefully, and shoved it into his worn coat.

"What's it mean?"

"It means I've got to work on forever a little harder." Edward answered cryptically, a wide smile still stretched on his face even as he headed back to his books.

End

"Just when I stopped opening doors,

Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours,

Making my entrance again with my usual flair,

sure of my lines,

no one is there."

-Send in the Clowns from A Little Night Music

I wanted something a little uplifting, so there you are.

My FMA stuff isn't as popular as some of the other fandoms I've written for, but I really enjoy a lot of my works that I've done. If just two people (or even one) reads one of my stories and likes it, then my job is complete. 


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